2 0 1 8

hello, since i have like 8 days left before 2018 gone forever.

i would like to do some appreciation post.

i know no one would read this unless the future me.

2018 in conclusion was (since im going to read this in the future) CONFUSION. I'm going to write using past tense.

why CONFUSION?

1) AGE

I was 21 years old. It's a really a confusing age. Some of my age were graduating (this mostly referred to friends who pursuing in diploma studies) , some were struggling (this referred to friends and I who pursuing degree in universities all over the world), some are(because they will still working the day i read this in the future), some were in phase of didn't know what to since they were graduated and looking for permanent jobs or continue their studies. On the other hands, some are changing their status. From some sort of single to someone's partner either in marriage or couple. The other person of my age were struggling with their first pregnancy and the syndromes they're facing. 21 years old is so fascinating and confusing I think this might continuous until I'm in mid 20s. Who knows?

The next points might be a little to personal about my life.

2) ACHIEVEMENTS

I would choose traveling to europe in summer 2018 is my greatest achievement for this year.

It was the first time in my life to be in europe and for the first timer it such a huge success since I went there accompanied just by my friend. The two of us the muslims girls, managed to cover 4 non muslims europe countries by ourselves in scorching hot summer's sun+ the month of RAMADAN. yup it's ramadan and by hook or by crook we must need to fast lah sebab girl kan takkan nak tinggal jugak puasa dgn tinggal puasa yg wajib lagi. We managed to fast for 16-18hours/day. 

Secondly, watching super junior live with my own eyes.  It might be nothing to others but for me as someone who's been a total maniac fangirl (ELF) since 2012, it was such a very overwhelming experiences to see donghae, siwon, hyukjae, heechul, leeteuk, shindong, yesung with my very own eyes. Normally, I would just watch them over youtube, tvs, twitter, instagram something related to screen. I hope I will get the chance to watch bigbang, exo and ikon with my own eyes as well.

3) STUDIES

Other than that, things related to my studies lah. I am not an excellent student in my course (Arabic Language and Its Literature). This course is totally never came across to my mind even once when I was in school nor college. Believe it or not I managed to survive and got through the hardships of this course so far for 3 years. I'm quite grateful for that facts. Tapi tu lah deep there, I DO really want to excel like I used to when I was in primary, mid school and college. I"m not going to say that I excel in high school since I only got 7As in SPM. Put it aside, let's get back to my studies in university. I am quite proud laa hmm bolehlaaa sikit2 with the rise of my cgpa (muaddal) for sem 2 and soifi. Literally my pointer dropped real bad during soifi 2017(16/17) and sem1(17/18). It costed me to have 60 something(now 69)for my cgpa like who the heck wants to hire you with that kinda muaddal (even inshallah there's might be position for me since im bounded to kpm). I know it's hard and take hardships to make it real; I want to graduate at least with 70s something for my cgpa. I couldn't ask for more. I want to be real to myself it's almost impossible for me to graduate with mumtaz.

4) PERSONAL LIFE

Okay where do I start? How do I start? I'm not used to this. Let's begin hmm haaaa hmm haaa. Basically when it comes to personal life, all of the points I mentioned previously ARE the personal life. The personal life I meant here is a love life. At the moment, as much as I hardly to admit that maybe I am in love with someone or someone in love in me safely to say. I afraid to talk about this like from the past experience i had might be classified myself as bad? I will talk about insecurities instead. First, as you know I live in Jordan so the context of society; malay-islamic society may i say is somewhat against coupling. but for me i have my own perspective : we are in the right age to fall in love as i said earlier. it's a confusion age.some got married some broken hearted. so, in order to change status from single to someone's priority, you never know unless you are trying. there are some minor cases where it just like that like what i meant here something related to parents' arrangement or once you are in love and you let your parents know and walla! the marriage . what i want to highlight here NOT EVERYONE IS PROVIDED WITH THAT KIND OF PRIVILEGE! most of us are poor or has the other main priorities like studying or working. so the point i want to highlighted here is it is okay to be in love, it's the right age. As for me yes i traumatized but how much longer do i need to let my traumas haunted me? I think Im ready for it, my heart heals but the wound is still there. I really hope if he the one who owned my heart right now will not treat my heart like before. I dont like my relationship up to public, I don't like being talk about me among his friends. it should stays between us too.

rasa malas dah nak taip sebab hosmet kasi churros .tujuan asalnya nk buat appreciation post sbb kasi hadiah birthday tp bila taip idea lain datang. 

and lastly for him if you happen to find or read about this blog post. YOU make my 2018 enjoyable and bearable despite all the hardships we encountered in our studies. I afraid to say forever but if you are my jodoh I'll try to be the best for you and if it happened that 'us' fail, you are one of my best memories in my uni days. Thank you for sticking with me like an 'uhu' glue this entire year. To many more years ahead until we graduate the ipg. Lastly to myself, if you happened to break up with him, don't let the emotions win over you, don't talk bad about him he's been nice to you until at least before the storms. I hope there won't be storms for us or if it might be, I hope we are able to get throug'em together. I also hope my heart will heal asap. Im getting older. :(

thank you for the entire 2018, to many more years